It’s hard to find information on what to do to support someone with breast cancer. Most of the time we’re at a loss as to what to do. What we don’t realise is that our love and support during this time goes a long way.
It was purely by accident that I found out my mum had breast cancer. I had come from school to visit her over the weekend. We were happily chatting when I noticed the strange shape of her breast while she took her bath. Fast forward the next day, I contacted a well renowned doctor here in Ghana, who’s been at the forefront of the breast cancer fight, and happened to be a family friend as well.
And that was where I was confused with my mum’s behaviour. Why had she tried to hide it from me, her daughter? Why had she not gotten help?
Back then, awareness of breast cancer and it’s treatment wasn’t like what it is now. When she initially discovered what was happening to her, she had researched it as we all do now most times when we are ill. What she found terrified her. She came to believe that she would lose her femininity, and that eventually the treatments would kill her, leaving her young children behind. No mother wants to die and leave her children. And so she woke up every day praying for a miracle to make this thing that had happened to her go away. And that was all she did until I accidentally saw it.
Supporting someone with cancer is not easy. Sometimes, really, you feel helpless and don’t know what to do. You wish you could take away their pain. The truth is, the best you can do for someone living with cancer is just to be there for them.
Mummy’s cancer was at an advanced stage when it was diagnosed. She had to undergo chemotherapy, mastectomy and then more chemotherapy. I remember the nausea she experienced, and how weak she could get. Sometimes she couldn’t go to work for days after chemo; other days her nephew had to carry her to and from the car each day for work. I remember a discussion she and I had before she had to go in for the mastectomy: her fears of losing herself as a woman with the loss of her breasts. I remember the day I had to cut her hair: she used to have such beautiful hair, and now it was all falling out. After cutting her hair, I cut mine too, to show my support. Then she tried to have some fun, experimenting with wigs of different styles with much encouragement. I remember fittings for silicone breast pads and appropriate bras she could now wear. The love and support of family who offered their home and time whenever she had to go to the hospital and my brothers weren’t available to take her, or when no one could be home to help her when she got back. The love and support her daughters at work gave her so she could still get her work done, and have a reason to smile each day. The prayers and support of her church.
There was so much love and support shown to her. It helped her pull through the darkness. She lived several years longer after her diagnosis, even though it was already advanced. Through the love & support of those around her, she found herself again and lived her best life in her last years. And even went on to support, encourage and give hope to others who were also diagnosed with breast cancer.
That’s the power of love and support. Offer encouraging words and strength. Have a listening ear to their thoughts and fears. Support them in their daily activities. Take them to hospital appointments and sit with them through. What you think may be small could make a world of difference. Just be there for them.
